Deadline approching

Olivia will be 3 in October. Saphire will be 12 in July. If math is not your strong suit that is a 9 year and some change difference. Which makes doing anything with both of them a headache. Saphire is at the point were nothing is cool and being with your parents is lame. Although I know she will eventually out grow it, it makes me sad that she may never be close with her sister like other siblings I see close to age with each other, I must accept that it is what it is.
Jeff and I both grew up being extremely spaced out from our siblings. Him being 6 years younger than his siblings and the "save the marriage baby", and I being a teenage pregnancy that of course didn't work out, I am also 6 years older than my oldest younger sister, and 20 years from my youngest sister. Needless to say I am not as close to them as I would like to be. You know, the whole sha-bam, talking about boys, sharing clothes, arguing about bullshit.
With that we sent a deadline last year. Start trying to make another baby in May or not have anymore children at all. May is coming, and although I love the idea, I'm not sure I can do it. I feel guilty throwing Olivia into being the middle child and dividing my time x3. Olivia was also a demanding baby, not that all babies aren't demanding but she wouldn't even let me put her down. She slept with us up until a few weeks ago, and still crawls in bed with us around 5am every night(Secretly, I love it).
I have also been losing weight and seeing a trainer every week, so getting pregnant seems like a huge step back. I want another baby but at the same time it seems so scary. How come I can't just freeze time for one more year?

Milestones

It was a semi pleasant weekend in the Olson household. Minus the angsty 11 year old who was grounded for trying to act WAY beyond her years. Which led to a sit down talk with the boy and his parents that live 2 doors down. Hopefully the wind has settled on that one because she sure doesn't want to end up a boarding school :)
On Saturday we met 2 huge milestones with Olivia (our 2 year old), we came to the close of a one week potty training success. Last weekend we casually started getting her to sit on the potty, since then she has been a freaking potty training star, or as we tell her " she is riding the potty training express". She even keeps dry through the night and naps. Now, we have had a few accidents, but for 90% of the time she wears her big girl panties.

                                                     Olivia at Barnes and Noble after having an accident, we forgot extra pants...

The other milestone was getting Olivia in her own bed. If you didn't know, since birth Olivia had been a co-sleeper. Not by choice, so don't get your panties in a wad. She was a very difficult baby, eating every hour and even worse not letting us put her down without screaming her head off...so I did what I had to do to not go completely ape crazy.

So, for a few weeks we would add a little to her bed, we started with a twin mattress and box spring, then got a fame, comforter, pillows, sheets, and on Saturday we got the final touch:side rails. She has been so stoked on being a big girl. The first night she woke about 5am and crawled in bed with us, and last night she slept til 6am and then laid down with me. Hopefully tomorrow it will be 7am.

Moving.

Pack up the U-haul, because I am done.

I have NEVER been the kind of person to just sit around and dwell. I have no idea who I am. So, I'm moving out of this state of mind. I have yet to figure out what keeps me here, or temporarily lets me out and then pulls me back in like a cruel game of cat and mouse. Well Damnit! I am the Cat, I always have been. I'm packing this shit up and dumping it somewhere else. I know if may be a challenge, but seriously, I have over come worse. So if I am being a negative dumbass, please, slap me.

My problem

I have this problem where I hold things in, and never express how I feel. I let people walk over me, especially the people I am closest too. My biggest problem is that I cant contain it forever so I end blowing up, ultimitlely ruining whatever relationship I had.
For years I have always just had my feelings dismissed by my family." Oh, Kerra. You are just overreacting." After a while you tend to just shut up and despite what those people are doing to you, you push on. Because you know they are your family.
I don't know what route to take. The route where I just stop putting in the work and we go our separate ways. Or I just continue to push on feeling like I am overextending my hand ALL the time and they are never doing the same. Is Family really worth this?

10Things I can't stand... maybe even hate

In no order of dislike...

1. Natural Disasters- They just plain SUCK.
2. Christians that "ruin" Christianity- such as the funeral protesters and people who wish people dead for dumb reasons like cutting them off in traffic, but then go to say our country needs help and we should pray to GOD. Morons.
3. Socks with Sandals- seriously, just wear tennis shoes.
4. Sandals in freezing ass weather and rain- just looking at your blue toes grosses me out.
5. People who smoke around their children- Destroy your lungs, fine. BUT do NOT subject your innocent child to that crap.
6. Takers- no, not like people who steal stuff (although I hate them too), but people who "use" you for their own personal gain, money, attention, etc... I'm not an inbetween kind of person, I either like you or I dont and generlly if I dont like you I wont pretend like I do. I'm just simply uninterested, therfore I could never use a person for personal gain. I think relationships work two ways.
7. People who complain about their "love life" or being single- If there is something you dont like about it, change it. No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and anyone who thinks theirs is, is seriously smoking the shit and please share. And for the single ladies, a man doesn't "complete" you.
8. Kicking your significant other in the genitals publicly- under NO circumstances should you ever complain about your other half on FB, twitter, etc. I married my husband, not my FB so I'll work it out with him.
9. Daddy touch me voice (too vulgar?)- High pitched women who sound like if they had balls they are being squeezed very tight.
10. The news- the news seriously makes me want to curl in a ball with my children and cry. Or get a row boat and get all Tom Hanks on an island to protect my kids from the creepies. Most of seem to live in Washington.

Wont'cha please be my neighbor?

I'm surrounded everyday by people. My kids, my husband, other parents at the YMCA. So how is it that I often feel isolated? I have very few friends here is Washington. Most who don't have kids or their kids are different ages so play dates are out of the question. I crave adult conversation, even if my kids are there.Someone to have coffee with or drink a glass of wine(or bottle). I want a BFF.
I'm sick of having one way relationships with people. I'm sick of extending my hand but never getting their hand in return. I hate being a whinny beotch, but seriously why is it that I always seem to have all the time in the world to help other people and be there for them. But when I need it, it is never returned?


In the mean time let my adorable daughter make you a happy. Seriously this kid needs an agent.

teen angst

Jesus H Almighty. Having a toddler is a walk in the park compared to raising a tweenager.
Every other word out of Saphire's mouth is whatever and nevermind, and apprently I don't know how to hold my tounge because I refuse to put up with that shit. But now everyone and their freaking mom is telling me I am being too hard on her, and to tell you the truth...sometimes I feel like I am.
Between school work and boys, and getting ready for bed and this that and the other I'm the fucking bully in my 11 year old's life. That makes me fucking depressed. What am I doing, are they right? It's my horrible worse fear for me to fuck up my child as much as my parents screwed me up. I already feel like I've screwed her being a teenage mom and all. I'm just trying to back track that now and make the remaining years as best as possible for her.
Does anyone know where I can get a manual for handling teenagers?
I'll send you my mailing address...

No Guts

I wish I had the guts to do outfit posts like some of the beautiful ladies on here. I can't though I feel too fat and fear my fashion sense is actually a lack thereof. Maybe some day, you know when I finally hire that personal shopper/ personal assistant (for which I am still accepting applications).
In the meantime, I'm goning on a mini vacay with my hubby this weekend. This will be the first time since we got married in June 2008 that we have gotten away without the kids.

I am so EXCITED! I plan to drink wine and spend enough time in the hot tub that I basically come out looking like I'm 90.